Do you ever have that feeling where life is just rushing past you, like you’re standing in the middle of a crowded place and hundreds of people are running by you, but you’re just stagnant?
I was really starting to feel a bit of that this last month. I let my workload get on top of me and became stressed and anxious because of it and i don’t deal with stress like most people would, in a ‘let’s get this done!’ kind of way. I’m more of a ‘let’s let this wash over me and then i will build a burrow of blankets and avoid the world for the rest of time’ kinda gal.
I’m not a very nice person when I’m stressed, the demons in my mind come out in full force and make me jealous and insecure. We could have been friends for decades but i will have myself completely believing that you think I’m annoying and a waste of time, that you’d rather we weren’t friends. It doesn’t stop their either, my husband cops the full force and i find myself obsessing over every little comment or soft drink can on the bench. Everything becomes riddled with meaning.
I never realised how much was involved with life until this year, attempting to find ways to share myself around full time work, part time study, a marriage, a home, a family and friends is really difficult, and sometimes i need some time for me, too. Like 2 hours to sit in a little French cafe and eat a St-Honore, without a friend, or a text book. Maybe I’m just selfish. Is it selfish to say no to seeing a dear friend because at the end of the day all i want is 2 hours of quiet without doing something?
I have absolutely faith that i can do anything and everything i set my mind to. It might sound arrogant but sometimes you need to be the person who believes the best possible things about yourself, take them as a mantra and quiet that little voice in your mind that always wants you to fail.